I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
