Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
