Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
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The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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