Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
