The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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