tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
