Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
