i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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