Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize