Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I believe in your delicious
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
