Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
