Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
