I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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