i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize