i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
