ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
