Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have already put on my inside pants.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
