dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
