It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
