where am i from again
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
