I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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