Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
