Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
one two three fourrrrnication!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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