ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
