Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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