I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
