I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
