I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
