Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
As shirtless as possible
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
