so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
