My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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