i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
