My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
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She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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