I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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