i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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