How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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