are you still at the devil's house?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
