Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
