Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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