i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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