I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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