Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
