I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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