On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
