Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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