you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
