We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
