I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
