If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
