He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
