You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
