i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
