I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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