there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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