she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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