Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
