first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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