I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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