Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
