worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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