in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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