I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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