I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
