Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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