What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
