Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
